Tips for the Step Mom

How To Regain Control

January 10, 2018

Truth is…

…you never really can have full control.  You cannot control the actions or words of others.  As awesome as it would be to just get people to do what you want, you just can’t.  You can, however, control yourself.

Always be kind.

The classic statement every mother told their kids, “kill ‘em with kindness”.  But really, do it.  It works.  The best thing you can do is be the best person you can be.  People tend to do mean things or say mean things when they are insecure or are hurt themselves, and they take it out on people around them to make themselves feel better.  Sometimes they feel out of control and lash out at the people around them.

Seriously, kill them with kindness.  Either they’ll feel like shit for treating you like shit, or it’ll just piss them off that you’re so nice.  It’s a win win in my books.

Don’t react.

I know you just want to blow up and write a nasty message back.  But that’s what they want.  They want you to react in some sort of way.  The best thing you can do is not feed into what is being said or done. Every time you react, you’re fueling the flame, and it’s only going to get bigger.  Sit back and keep your mouth shut, the fire will suffocate.

Natural consequence.

Natural consequence is the best and most effective way to “discipline” a child, and it’s also very useful on adults.  It’s when someone suffers a natural consequence for doing, or not doing something.  For example, when a child lies, it’s not effective to put them on a time out.  Instead, the next time they tell you something, you tell them you cannot believe them because they have lied to you before.  Not being believed is a natural consequence to lying.  These opportunities do not present themselves regularly, and sometimes the consequence is extreme.  An extreme example is, a natural consequence of not holding Dad’s hand while crossing the street is getting hit by a car (I’m sure they would learn their lesson, however we don’t want anyone getting hurt).  I’m not sure if I am explaining this effectively, but it is useful to get someone to act appropriately.  It takes time, but it will work out.

Plan ahead.

If you know a certain situation may arise, plan ahead.  Go through the possible reasonable scenarios  (let’s not play into our anxieties), and figure out the steps to diffuse or your reaction to those moments.  Always have a plan of action ready for when negative scenarios happen, so you can be best prepared to handle the problem effectively and with minimal conflict.

The only thing you can control…

Is yourself.  Keep an open mind, positive thoughts, and breathe.



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