Being a Step Mom Has Changed my Life

November 27, 2017

It has changed my life in a lot of ways I didn’t expect.

I’m in my early 20’s.  For the longest time, I have always said I hated kids, and I’m never going to have any.  When I was in the dating world I would immediately be uninterested if the guy had kids.  I never wanted any children.  They’re too much work, too stinky, too expensive, too needy.

Then I met him.  Our fathers are best friends, so I kind of already knew the family he was brought up in.  He was funny, charming, cute and had a really nice truck (if you’re not a car girl like I am, you probably wouldn’t think so).  He just interested me in every way, so I couldn’t pass him up.

I fell in love with my Step Son.

Obviously not in a creepy way.  But in a way I didn’t know was possible.  It was a love that I didn’t have with my family, because that type of love is forced unconditional.  It wasn’t the type of love I had for my boyfriend, because that type was romantic.  It’s a strange love that I could only assume is what a parent feels for a child.  It’s unconditional, and so fierce.  I love him with all my heart, and I would do anything for him.

I developed maternal instincts.

I guess that any women can have maternal instincts, regardless of having biological children or not.  I am not one of those women.  I would consider myself emotionally detached in a way.  I don’t cry very often, sad songs and movies only make me think “that’s sad” and it never goes further than that.  I don’t know what to do around babies and toddlers.

Now, I cry over sad songs, love songs, happy songs.  Sad movies, happy movies.  I’ve become an expert “baby catcher” whenever little boy goes for a stumble.

“Step Mommy Syndrome”.

If you haven’t heard it before, Step Mommy Syndrome is when a Step Mom buys a bunch of things and spoils their step kids.  Most people view this as buying their love.  Some see it as the excitement of being a caregiver for a child and wanting to buy things for them like cute outfits or cool toys.

Biological Moms get to go through this while their awaiting their arrival of their little one.  They buy all the gadgets and outfits, and for the most part, go overboard with the things they buy.  Step Parents go through something similar, but it’s usually not until later in the child’s life.

Even now, being in Little Boy’s life for a year and a half, I still buy a few unnecessary things for him here and there, if finances permit.  I can never go to Wal-Mart without stopping by the kid section first.

It made me think more seriously about my future.

For myself never wanting kids before, I had to seriously think if Step Life is for me.  It’s not easy, there is a lot of stress, and a lot of conflict.  I expected having to consider this, but I’ll be honest and admit that I have had my doubts about it – and still sometimes do.

What surprised me the most, was I thought very seriously about my career and education.  Until recently, I never wanted to go to college.  I thought for sure that I could just figure it out as I go and find a job where I had opportunity to move up in the company.  When I got into a relationship with my boyfriend, I realised that child support payments, lawyer fees, and just the cost of s child put a huge dent in his bank account.  This worried me, because I began to realise that the more he makes, the more his ex gets in child support, and the less we would have as a couple and a future family.  I decided to take the plunge and get an education so that I could get a good job and contribute financially.


In this past year and a half I have changed so much as a person, and I’ve explored parts of myself I didn’t know existed.

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